A Little Generosity Goes a Long Way: How a Small Kindness Can Have a Big Impact

August 25, 2010 in Trusted Advisor, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

A Little Generosity Goes a Long Way: How a Small Kindness Can Have a Big Impact post can also be found at the Trust Matters blog.

Story 1: Parking in a Premium Demand Zone
Washington DC, where I live, has recently begun upgrading its street parking system. Many of our old coin-operated “single-space” meters have been replaced with “multi-space” meters that take credit cards as well as coins. If you’ve never encountered a “multi-space” meter, it’s a one-machine-for-a-whole-city-block kind of thing. When you pay, you pay for however much time you want and you are rewarded with a little white slip of paper that goes on your dashboard, telling the ever-industrious meter monitors when they can write you a ticket.
While I do appreciate the convenience of paying by debit or credit card (that is, when the card reader works), I hate the fact that any unused time goes wasted—or more accurately, I hate that it goes to the City. You see, if I come back earlier than expected, there’s no meter to be left behind with time remaining for the lucky next-parker; there’s just a slip of paper that drives away with me. Gone are the days of collaborating with my fellow citizens to share the burden, and beat the City at their parking meter game. (I know, I know, I should Metro more.)
Just last week I returned to my car 47 minutes earlier than expected. Being the mature adult that I am, I couldn’t bear the thought of giving away those 47 minutes to the City (particularly in light of what I paid to be in a “premium demand zone”), so I waited and offered it to a couple who pulled into a space a few cars behind me.
You would think I had handed them a check for $1,000. They were nearly giddy with excitement and effusive with their thanks.
I walked away with a little spring in my step—I beat the system and did a good deed, all in one fell swoop.
Story 2: Thirteen for the Price of Ten
Later that very same day, I was at my local FedEx Office picking up a print job for a client meeting. While waiting in line, I spied these really cool new plastic document holders—the perfect organizers for my documents and a nice change from the usual two-pocket folder deal. The only problem was there weren’t enough on the shelf to meet my needs. When I asked the clerk if there were more, he nicely said no. Then his manager chimed in and suggested we take a look at another shelf together to see what we could find. Et voila, there they were in another color, just one short. I said I could make do, no problem, and the manager offered to give me an extra one in a different color to make up for their lack of inventory. Then when she rung me up, she charged me for two fewer still. Each document holder was worth $1.29. She saved me a total of $3.87.
You would think she had handed me a check for $1,000. The gesture was grand, even if the dollar value was not.
And I walked away with a little spring in my step—what a nice, helpful lady!
The Moral of the Stories
It was fascinating to be on the receiving end of a small kindness so soon after I had offered one. Both experiences taught me a big lesson.
We talk a lot about the difference generosity makes here at Trusted Advisor Associates. “Selling by doing” offers a gift without expectation of return, among other things (see Selling by Doing Not Selling by Telling for the complete picture) and reciprocity–the tendency to return a favor—is the number one factor of influence. In fact, people who walk the talk of a Trusted Advisor tend to view life from a context of abundance and are always looking for ways to genuinely be of service.
What I didn’t realize until now is how little a kindness can be and still have a huge impact. 47 minutes. $3.87. A few extra copies of a book. A call returned at lightning speed in the midst of a busy day. An offer to spend a little time reviewing a document … with no meter running. Small things send a signal about our intentions, and help us keep our motives clean. If we’re only in it for big, we’re not in it for real. If we’re willing to be generous in all moments, including the little ones, it becomes a way of life. And the paradox is, of course, that if we’re willing to let go of hitting it big, we usually ultimately do.
I’ll remember this next time I’m tempted to take no action because I think it’s not worth my effort or not grand enough to matter. When it comes to generosity, a little goes a long way.

Life seems to happen to me in twos. A few weeks ago I blogged about A Cautionary Tale for Marketers based on two stories—a “don’t do this” story and a “do do this” story. Today’s blog is two-fer of a slightly different type: two stories, both illustrating what a difference a small kindness can make.

Story 1: Parking in a Premium Demand Zone

Washington DC, where I live, has recently begun upgrading its street parking system. Many of our old coin-operated “single-space” meters have been replaced with “multi-space” meters that take credit cards as well as coins. If you’ve never encountered a “multi-space” meter, it’s a one-machine-for-a-whole-city-block kind of thing. When you pay, you pay for however much time you want and you are rewarded with a little white slip of paper that goes on your dashboard, telling the ever-industrious meter monitors when they can write you a ticket.

While I do appreciate the convenience of paying by debit or credit card (that is, when the card reader works), I hate the fact that any unused time goes wasted—or more accurately, I hate that it goes to the City. You see, if I come back earlier than expected, there’s no meter to be left behind with time remaining for the lucky next-parker; there’s just a slip of paper that drives away with me. Gone are the days of collaborating with my fellow citizens to share the burden, and beat the City at their parking meter game. (I know, I know, I should Metro more.)

Just last week I returned to my car 47 minutes earlier than expected. Being the mature adult that I am, I couldn’t bear the thought of giving away those 47 minutes to the City (particularly in light of what I paid to be in a “premium demand zone”), so I waited and offered it to a couple who pulled into a space a few cars behind me.

You would think I had handed them a check for $1,000. They were nearly giddy with excitement and effusive with their thanks.

I walked away with a little spring in my step—I beat the system and did a good deed, all in one fell swoop.

Story 2: Thirteen for the Price of Ten

Later that very same day, I was at my local FedEx Office picking up a print job for a client meeting. While waiting in line, I spied these really cool new plastic document holders—the perfect organizers for my documents and a nice change from the usual two-pocket folder deal. The only problem was there weren’t enough on the shelf to meet my needs. When I asked the clerk if there were more, he nicely said no. Then his manager chimed in and suggested we take a look at another shelf together to see what we could find. Et voila, there they were in another color, just one short. I said I could make do, no problem, and the manager offered to give me an extra one in a different color to make up for their lack of inventory. Then when she rung me up, she charged me for two fewer still. Each document holder was worth $1.29. She saved me a total of $3.87.

You would think she had handed me a check for $1,000. The gesture was grand, even if the dollar value was not.

And I walked away with a little spring in my step—what a nice, helpful lady!

The Moral of the Stories

It was fascinating to be on the receiving end of a small kindness so soon after I had offered one. Both experiences taught me a big lesson.

We talk a lot about the difference generosity makes here at Trusted Advisor Associates. “Selling by doing” offers a gift without expectation of return, among other things (see Selling by Doing Not Selling by Telling for the complete picture) and reciprocity–the tendency to return a favor—is the number one factor of influence. In fact, people who walk the talk of a Trusted Advisor tend to view life from a context of abundance and are always looking for ways to genuinely be of service.

What I didn’t realize until now is how little a kindness can be and still have a huge impact. 47 minutes. $3.87. A few extra copies of a book. A call returned at lightning speed in the midst of a busy day. An offer to spend a little time reviewing a document … with no meter running. Small things send a signal about our intentions, and help us keep our motives clean. If we’re only in it for big, we’re not in it for real. If we’re willing to be generous in all moments, including the little ones, it becomes a way of life. And the paradox is, of course, that if we’re willing to let go of hitting it big, we usually ultimately do.

I’ll remember this next time I’m tempted to take no action because I think it’s not worth my effort or not grand enough to matter. When it comes to generosity, a little goes a long way.

Improv-ing Teamwork: “Yes, but …” or “Yes, and …”?

August 19, 2010 in Improv, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

In the nearly 20 years I’ve been working with groups, improv comedy is, without a doubt, the most transformational team building experience I’ve ever witnessed. It’s much easier than ropes courses. It’s more immediately impactful than personality typing. It gets you out of your head and into the more creative parts of your brain—in an instant. Plus it just plain feels good to just plain laugh with your co-workers. And what could be better than laughing while advancing your business goals?

The true test of your ability to get the job done is when you’re working off script. How skilled is your team at dealing with the unexpected or innovating on the spot?

The reality is the skill of improvisation is something we can all hone, all the time. Here’s a simple exercise you can start using with your team today. It’s called “Yes, but …” or “Yes, and …”? It’s quick, painless, valuable, and fun.

What to do: Divide the group in half, giving them the task of planning a company party, where one half always says, “Yes, and …” after each team member suggestion and the other half always says, “Yes, but …” (5 minutes). In the debriefing, discuss who was most successful in the short time period and why.

The learning: Even at a basic level, finding common ground with your colleagues is important. An antagonistic relationship benefits no one and the judgment of a “Yes, but …” stifles team members.

Collaboration, creativity, and results grow out of an environment that is positive and affirming.

Tip: Stand in a circle and use “Yes, and …” every time you want to re-energize your brainstorming. Be consistent and persistent with it.

Think of “Yes, but …” or “Yes, and …” as an essential practice for earning your team a standing ovation. Ways to vary it and incorporate it into your day-to-day practices include:

  • Start all your routine team meetings with a quick round of “Yes, and …”—all you need is one person to kick it off with a statement or idea. Team members will be alert and ready for “business as unusual.”
  • Use it as an after-lunch energizer during a team retreat.
  • Use it as reinforcement for key learning about creativity, listening, or collaboration during a training event.

And if none of these strike your fancy, say “Yes, and …” and create one that does.

See How It’s Done

Do you hear “improv comedy” and wonder how it works?

It’s a lot like the show, Whose Line is It, Anyway?, where short scenes are collaboratively created on-the-spot based on a suggestion from the audience. The laughs don’t come from clever lines or witty repartee; they naturally arise from the unexpected. In fact, that’s one of the best things about improv comedy: everyone can do it. There’s no theatrical training or funny bone required. That’s because we all improvise, every single day. Life is improvised.

The best way to really get it is to see it for yourself. Click here to watch our clients perform improv comedy with us. You’ll get a lift by watching them explore new ways or working—and laughing—together.

A Cautionary Tale for Marketers: Do’s and Don’t’s from the Perspective of the Marketed-To

July 20, 2010 in Consulting on the Edge, Trusted Advisor, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

This post can also be found at the Trust Matters blog.

Story 1: Don’t Do This

I got one of those broadcast email solicitations from a very reputable organization that hosts executive roundtables. Brian (a stranger to me) wanted me to attend an informational meeting. To his credit, he “had me at hello” with the very first lines of his email, which were both personal and complimentary: “Andrea, let me first say I LOVE the name of your company and the genesis of it…the ‘new beat’ story. Outstanding!”

“Wow,” I thought, “He’s taken the time to find out about BossaNova and make a personal connection to me. He gets me! He likes me! I like this guy!”

What followed was a directive to “Read on” with a photo of a jubilant baseball team and the assertion that “There are lessons you learn in Baseball that can apply to business leaders like YOU once you understand their importance and their impact” (with a bulleted list of those very lessons). His call to action at the end of the email was aggressive and impersonal.

Brian had me right off the bat and lost me soon after. I have nothing against baseball—not at all. I’m just not much of a sports enthusiast and, truthfully, get tired of the male-oriented metaphors. Brian’s very personal appeal followed by his very impersonal (and misaligned) form letter was a particularly lethal combo. Now, not only am I a “no” for the information session I was invited to, but I have an attitude about both Brian and his organization to boot. Three strikes, you’re out.

Story 2: An Approach to Emulate

A few weeks ago I was surprised by a knock at the door—an unexpected delivery of baked goods from a local sweet shop. The package included a hand-written note from Kacy, the office organizer I had hired exactly one year before. The sweets were to commemorate my first anniversary in my new home office, with a reminder that she was available should any lingering piles be in my way, and a request to tell others about her services if I was so inclined.

I immediately logged onto Facebook (well, by “immediately” I mean right after I had a cookie) and posted kudos for Kacy, along with a link to her web site. I sent her an email to thank her for the unexpected treat, alert her to the free Facebook advertising, and acknowledge her for the lesson in great marketing. She wrote me right back to thank me, saying, “I’m so glad you like them! I never know if someone’s going to be out of town or unavailable, but it always works out. In my client list, I have a column where I note the dates of our last sessions. Once a month or so I run through those and send the goodies out!”

The sweets hit the sweet spot, for sure, far more so than being hit over the head with a baseball bat. Maybe Kacy got lucky with her choice. Although it seems to me she could have sent me anything (even one of those giant foam fingers) and the good feelings from the unexpected personal acknowledgement would have prevailed.

A Plea to Marketers

The two anecdotes aren’t apples to apples—different relationship histories, different communication media, different calls to action. That said, I find them both illuminating.

To all marketers out there (including myself), here’s my plea:

  • DO make it personal
  • DON’T use a personal tactic to get someone’s attention and then switch to a more generic approach
  • DO find creative ways to appreciate the people who have given you business in the past
  • DO use the element of surprise
  • DON’T be afraid to ask for more work or for referrals.

The moral of the stories: Intimacy is a powerful tool in business. Use it wisely, especially with strangers. Mix it in with a little unexpected generosity and you’ll hit a home run.

Laughter is the Best Corporate Medicine

July 14, 2010 in Improv, Uncategorized by Cary Paul | No comments

There’s an unexpected catalyst for transformational change out there that most companies haven’t considered tapping into. It’s not leadership from the top. It’s not buy-in from the bottom. It’s not a compelling vision. It’s not a mission statement that everyone can easily remember and recite. (Although all of these things matter). It’s humor.
Humor in Evidence
Research has proven that smiling and laughter are good for your health, make you more attractive to be around, and help boost your energy and rate of accomplishment. Just ask the Cancer Treatment Centers of America (known for their Laughter Therapy practice <is there a link or further reference we could provide?>), Psychology Today (see The Benefits of Laughter, published <site source>), and Discovery Health’s How Things Work Series (How Laughter Works) <we need to be clearer about this reference – more details plus I don’t know what “Discovery Health” is so others might not either>–all of which have provided ample evidence. This is easy to envision and apply in a personal context: imagine parents smiling and laughing at their babies, or friends struck by a fit of giggles. But somehow when it comes to work, well … really now, are smiling and laughter endeavors we should promote? And could they, in fact, have bottom-line benefit?
Putting Humor to Work
“Work” and “serious” are a long-held associations, and work as a place of somber mood and serious tone is still very much in evidence in the corporate world today. (Thomas Edison once said: “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work”.) Plus economic recessions are no laughing matter, so the realities of our existence today don’t help us out of our mental box. And yet some organizations have found ways to embrace fun and levity as strategic assets in spite of, and even as a way out of, the gloom and doom. Think Southwest Airlines, where play is the rule, not the exception. In fact, Southwest is one of the few airlines to thrive in a post-9/11 world.
Improv-ing Business
So there’s a case to be made, in general, for humor in the workplace. But what about as it relates to transformational change, specifically? We say there’s a case to be made there too, and to make that case we turn to improvisational comedy.
Improvisational comedy is comedy made up completely on the spot (as in the popular TV show, Whose Line Is It Anyway?) Improv is a unique brand of humor that generates laughter as a result of a shared experience of risk-taking. Here are four key skills of improv. As you read them, consider their relationship to successful transformational change in the workplace:
- Being open to new ideas. Developing comfort with accepting ideas of others, building on them, and taking them to the next level.
- Listening.  Being attentive, sensitive, tuned in.
- Being in the moment. Dealing masterfully with the unexpected. Demonstrating agility and flexibility.
- “Under-thinking.”  Walt Disney said it best: “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.”
Consider a quote from the Organizational Development Practitioner <date and/or whatever other reference info is available, like title of article>:
“Improvisers are masters of evolution: They balance strategy and spontaneity in the face of uncertainty, working collectively to create a sustained, engaging story that works. They often work without the benefit of specific planning, must incorporate unexpected inputs thrown in from left field, and have to adapt rapidly to new contexts.”
We’ll explore improv skills and how to apply them more in coming editions. In the meantime, try on that humor is serious business and laughter is the best corporate medicine.

business_ppl_laughingThere’s an unexpected catalyst for transformational change out there that most companies haven’t considered tapping into. It’s not leadership from the top. It’s not buy-in from the bottom. It’s not a compelling vision. It’s not a mission statement that everyone can easily remember and recite. (Although all of these things matter). It’s humor.

Humor in Evidence

Research has proven that smiling and laughter are good for your health, make you more attractive to be around, and help boost your energy and rate of accomplishment. Just ask the Cancer Treatment Centers of America (known for their Laughter Therapy practice, Psychology Today (see The Benefits of Laughter, and Discovery Health’s How Things Work Series (How Laughter Works), –all of which have provided ample evidence. This is easy to envision and apply in a personal context: imagine parents smiling and laughing at their babies, or friends struck by a fit of giggles. But somehow when it comes to work, well … really now, are smiling and laughter endeavors we should promote? And could they, in fact, have bottom-line benefit?

Putting Humor to Work

“Work” and “serious” are a long-held associations, and work as a place of somber mood and serious tone is still very much in evidence in the corporate world today. (Thomas Edison once said: “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work”.) Plus economic recessions are no laughing matter, so the realities of our existence today don’t help us out of our mental box. And yet some organizations have found ways to embrace fun and levity as strategic assets in spite of, and even as a way out of, the gloom and doom. Think Southwest Airlines, where play is the rule, not the exception. In fact, Southwest is one of the few airlines to thrive in a post-9/11 world.

Improv-ing Business

So there’s a case to be made, in general, for humor in the workplace. But what about as it relates to transformational change, specifically? We say there’s a case to be made there too, and to make that case we turn to improvisational comedy.

Improvisational comedy is comedy made up completely on the spot (as in the popular TV show, Whose Line Is It Anyway?) Improv is a unique brand of humor that generates laughter as a result of a shared experience of risk-taking. Here are four key skills of improv. As you read them, consider their relationship to successful transformational change in the workplace:

  • Being open to new ideas. Developing comfort with accepting ideas of others, building on them, and taking them to the next level.
  • Listening. Being attentive, sensitive, tuned in.
  • Being in the moment. Dealing masterfully with the unexpected. Demonstrating agility and flexibility.
  • “Under-thinking.” Walt Disney said it best: “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.”

Consider a quote from the Organizational Development Practitioner’s article titled “Improv Culture: Using Practices from Improv Theater to Help Organizations Evolve Successfully Over Time,” (Vol. 35, No. 3, 2003 edition):

“Improvisers are masters of evolution: They balance strategy and spontaneity in the face of uncertainty, working collectively to create a sustained, engaging story that works. They often work without the benefit of specific planning, must incorporate unexpected inputs thrown in from left field, and have to adapt rapidly to new contexts.”

We’ll explore improv skills and how to apply them more in coming editions. In the meantime, trying on that humor is serious business and laughter is the best corporate medicine.

Does This Make My “S” Look Big? True Customer Focus

May 20, 2010 in Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

This post can also be found at the Trust Matters blog.

I’ve led dozens of learning programs on being a Trusted Advisor.  One thing I’ve learned: without a doubt, the most popular element of the Trust Equation is Self-Orientation.

By “popular,” I mean it’s the one most people identify as a huge opportunity for improvement. Which makes sense, since it’s deliberately placed in the denominator to highlight its ubiquitousness.

Simply defined, self-orientation is about focus. If someone says about you, “I trust that she cares about _______” and fills in the blank with something that relates to them, then your “S” is little. And that’s good.  (“I trust that she cares about how this project will impact my career”; “I trust that she cares about what’s best for the team”; “I trust that she cares about our reputation.”)

Alternatively, if the words that complete the sentence relate to you in any way shape, or form, then you’ve officially got a Big “S.” And that’s bad.

We all know the stereotypical used car salesman – a classic “Big S” caricature. He’s disingenuous, in it for himself, armed and ready with manipulative tactics to get you to do what he wants. As I’ve come to better understand what “S” is all about, I’ve come to appreciate its subtlety. In reality, self-orientation sneaks into our interactions with others in more insidious ways. This means keeping it small can be challenging.

Think of self-orientation as referring to two levels of focus: results and needs.

High Self-Orientation Level 1: Results

Most of us are pretty clear about the results dimension–the more obvious of the two. We generally know what we should be doing to be other-focused in this regard. “Little S” strategies include:

asking lots and lots of questions from a place of curiosity to figure out what success really looks like

negotiating for true win-win,

doing the right thing, even if you’re incented otherwise. The latter includes the provocative notion of referring a client to a competitor if the competitor could do better for the customer.

“Big S” results behaviors (the bad ones, remember) include rushing to a solution, making a bad first deal, or “hoarding”—time, resources, ideas. “Gigantic S” equals stereotypical used car guy.

High Self-Orientation Level 2: Needs

The other dimension of self-orientation is needs.The question here is whether or not you’re focused on your needs–or on theirs.

For example:

-          Are you focused on your need to look smart (and so you invoke Death by PowerPoint … or simply talk a lot) or are you focused on their need to be heard (therefore you listen without distraction, even when it’s uncomfortable to be silent for what feels like a long time)?

-          Are you focused on your need to be liked (hence you avoid confrontation—sometimes or always) or their need to have all the data required to make good decisions (meaning you’re consistently willing to speak a hard truth if it’s necessary, even when it feels awkward to do it)?

-          Are you focused on your need to be the hero (so you subtly compete for attention or recognition) or are you focused on their need to feel confident (meaning you check your ego at the door and give them the credit)?

I chose these three examples because they’re the ones I struggle with the most. Even though my “S” scores on the Trust Quotient are actually pretty low, I’m well aware of my own quirks and foibles and I work every day to manage them—sometimes with greater success than others.

What Makes My “S” Look Big? Being Human

Self-orientation rears its ugly head most often when we feel some sort of fear—fear of looking bad, fear of rejection, fear of loss. All of these fears fall into the category of perfectly normal. And they’re what make your “S” look big.

What makes a difference is having the ego strength to see it, acknowledge it, to “get off your ‘S’,” and move on.   After all, obsessing about “Big S” mistakes is just more … “Big S.”

Ah, the joys of being human.

Old Faithful and Reliability

April 21, 2010 in Food for Thought, Trusted Advisor, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

Old Faithful

This post can also be found at the Trust Matters blog.

Old Faithful is a geyser located in Yellowstone National Park, USA. It gets its name because it regularly shoots steam and water to great heights. In fact, with a margin of error of 10 minutes, Old Faithful will erupt either every 65 or every 91 minutes, depending on the length of the previous eruption. It’s been doing this since 1870.

While most of us who endeavor to be Trusted Advisors would probably prefer not to be associated with a “geyser” (myself included), there’s something we can all learn from this phenomenon of nature.

Reliability: The Good News/Bad News

Of the 12,000+ people who have completed our online Trust Quotient™ survey to date, Reliability comes out 16 percentage points higher than any of the other three elements of the Trust Equation. This isn’t really surprising, given that Reliability is the easiest to grasp and execute. Reliability is logical, concrete, and action-oriented.

The bad news is we’re not as good as we think.

Case in point: I’m always interested to see how participants in our programs handle the pre-work assignment we send via email a couple of weeks before the program begins. Responses are due to be emailed back within a week. It takes 10 – 20 minutes to complete the work. People generally fall into one of three categories:

  1. Turn it in late with no acknowledgment (slightly more than half)
  2. Never turn it in (some)
  3. Turn it in on time (very few)

So while Reliability seems like a “slam dunk” in the world of trustworthiness, there’s room for us all to improve. (And by the way, I am no exception, witness how I’ve been doing lately on my goal of writing one blog post per week.)

The Road to Being More Reliably Reliable

Generally, people experience you as reliable when:

You feel familiar to them. They’re at ease with you. They have a good sense of who you are and feel they know you. You use their terminology and templates. You establish routines in your relationships (regular meetings, emails, etc.). You dress appropriately.

You are consistent and predictable. People know what to expect from you, and they get it. You set expectations up front and report on them regularly. You are rigorous about using good business practices, such as meeting agenda and notes. You make lots of small promises and consistently follow through. They can count on you to be the same person at all times, and the same to all people.

You work to make sure there are no surprises when you’re around. You use others’ vocabulary and respect and reflect their norms and environment. You make sure that their expectations of you are consistent. You produce documentation of consistent quality and create deliverables with a consistent look and feel.

You do what you say you will do. You keep and deliver on your promises, and see keeping your word as a matter of personal integrity. When you are unable to fulfill on a promise, you immediately get in communication to acknowledge the impact and reset expectations.

Reliability is Reliability is Reliability

Here’s the rub: Consistency matters. If you apply these best practices more with your clients and less with, say, your Trusted Advisor instructor … then your reliability score suffers.

Perfection is not the goal here; impeccability is (See Impeccability vs. Perfection: Who’s Got Your Back?). There’s always room for error and for our humanity. When it comes to trust, what matters is being rigorously self-aware, transparent about our strengths and weaknesses, and willing to hold ourselves to higher and higher standards of execution.

Writing this post was one action I chose to boost my own Reliability today. What’s yours?

Impeccability vs. Perfection: Who’s Got Your Back?

April 14, 2010 in Food for Thought, Trusted Advisor, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

This post can also be found at the Trust Matters blog.

At first glance, the difference between Impeccability and Perfection is slight.

Taking a closer look, they are very different characters, each with a profoundly different impact when it comes to building trust. Here’s the punch line, delivered by a recovering perfectionist:

Impeccability is your friend; Perfection is not.

A Character Study: Perfection vs. Impeccability

Let’s envision Perfection and Impeccability as two characters in a play.

In physical appearance, both are well-dressed. Perfection’s shirt is buttoned to the top; Impeccability’s open collar reveals a crisp, white T-shirt underneath. Perfection sits with his back rigidly straight; Impeccability assumes a relaxed yet confident stance. Perfection drums his fingers nervously on the table-top; Impeccability sits quietly.

As to their personalities: Where Perfection is determined with gritted teeth to always get it right, Impeccability is determined to be thorough and complete. Where Perfection endeavors to never make a mess, and experiences distress when the inevitable occurs, Impeccability recognizes that all humans make mistakes and chooses to see the inevitable as an opportunity to build trust. (see previous post: Why Mistakes Build Trust).

Perfection is controlling, stressed, and perpetually uptight; Impeccability is focused, at ease, his sense of perspective and humor intact at all times.

Perfection is often accompanied by Impatience, Judgment, and Frustration; Impeccability hangs out with Compassion, Confidence, and Self-Acceptance.

Impeccability vs. Perfection: One Level Deeper

Both Perfection and Impeccability are well-intended characters—striving to be the best they can be. Yet dig a little deeper and we see a key difference between the two: what’s driving them.

Perfection constantly feeds a need to satisfy something internal and self-oriented. Impeccability, on the other hand, is other-oriented at the core; his motivation is the satisfaction that comes with being of service and making a difference.

Even Perfection agrees that Impeccability is much more pleasant to be around. Impeccability is much easier to relate to. He endeavors to do his best and humbly accepts that he will fail at times. He cleans up his messes with transparency, swiftness, and an appropriate amount of lightheartedness. In doing so, he leaves room for others to be human.

Put yourself in your clients’ shoes. With whom would you rather spend your time?

Can You Train For Trust?

April 5, 2010 in Trusted Advisor, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

This post can also be found at the Trust Matters blog and was co-authored by Charles H. Green of Trusted Advisor Associates LLC.

Can you train for trust?

The question needs to be broken down; but the quick answer is — yes. Let’s talk about how. And then we want to invite you to experience it yourself.

Disclosure: this blog-post is part advertisement. Trusted Advisor Associates is offering an open enrollment Being a Trusted Advisor program  in New York, New York. Read on to find out more, or just click here to sign up.

Now, back to training for trust; let’s break it down.

How to Approach Training for Trust

1. Be clear what you’re teaching. There is training for trustworthiness, and there is training for trusting. They are not the same. It’s the combination of one’s trustworthiness and another’s propensity for trusting that creates trust. Trustworthiness can be learned and is a lower-risk proposition–focus your energy and resources here. (See Trust, Trusting and Trustworthiness)

2. Keep it simple. Break an amorphous, complex topic into bite-sized, digestible pieces. Use a few solid, core models of trust. We use the three Trust Models: the Trust Equation, the Trust Creation Process, and the Trust Principles.

3. Make it stick. Thought-provoking concepts are necessary…and far from sufficient. We recommend four specific learning techniques to make a lasting impact:

a. Generous use of anecdotes—stories have a way of conveying the paradoxes of trustworthiness better than any rigorous intellectual model;
b. Realistic cases—in particular, role-play exercises, cases and video vignettes;
c. Muscle Memory—there is no substitute for ‘feeling’ the techniques, with hands-on demonstrations by experienced trainers and a lot of experimentation by participants;
d. Ongoing application to current business situations—with instructors and coaches guiding you through it in real time, live ammunition, no safety net.

Above all else, trust is learned by doing. What action will you take today to increase your trustworthiness?

Back to the advertisement: Being a Trusted Advisor is being held in New York, New York, April 22-23, at the Columbia University Faculty House. This program develops the mindsets, skills, and day-to-day practices of a Trusted Advisor. It includes built-in reinforcement–a one-on-one coaching call for each participant–along with a personalized Trust Temperament(tm) and autographed copy of either “The Trusted Advisor” or “Trust-based Selling.” Click here to sign up.

We hope to see you in New York City!

Three Little Words

February 4, 2010 in Food for Thought, Trusted Advisor, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

This post can also be found at the Trust Matters blog.

My mother always told me that bad luck comes in threes. At the risk of pushing my luck, I’m going to disagree with her–at least when it comes to trustworthiness. Here are three phrases, each three words long, that are an essential part of any Trusted Advisor toolkit: “That makes sense,” “Tell me more,” and “I don’t know.”

“That Makes Sense”

Charlie speaks this phrase all the time and it’s remarkably effective. I say “speaks,” rather than “uses,” because it’s not a tactic; it’s a genuine expression of empathy.

When said from the heart, “That makes sense” is an incredible intimacy-builder. It’s no accident it also happens to be what relationship guru Harville Hendrix teaches couples to practice saying with each other when working through tough personal issues. Simply put, it’s validating. In a business context, “that makes sense” is particularly disarming in response to an opposing viewpoint…or something you don’t really want to hear.

Note that saying “that makes sense” is not the same as saying “I agree.” With “that makes sense,” you’re simply looking at the world from the other person’s vantage point and seeing how things might be pieced together. And unless you’re speaking to someone whose mental faculties are completely compromised, I promise you things do make sense over there, and there’s a way to see it, somehow or another.

“I see you’re concerned about investing a lot of money and time without being sure of the return. That makes sense.”

“Sounds like it’s imperative to have the right executive sponsor in place before we move forward. That makes sense.”

“It makes sense to consider all the options before you decide which firm you want to hire.”

“Tell Me More”

“Tell me more” is a simple and elegant way to invite someone to share information with you. Distinct from a targeted, intellectually-impressive question, “tell me more” implies an absence of time pressure, agenda (as in motives), and a desire to show off. Its subtext: “The agenda is yours, my time is yours, and my focus is devoted to you, not me.” Its beauty is in its simplicity and its other-orientation.

“I Don’t Know”

I’ve been in and around the consulting industry for close to 20 years and know very few consultants who are comfortable not knowing an answer to a question (myself included). On the contrary, we’ve convinced ourselves that clients not only want answers, they want the right answers…right away.  (See The Point of Listening is Not What you Hear but the Listening Itself.) Which leads to a lot of well-intended bad behavior, like ever-so-slightly exaggerating what we do know in order to fill in the gaps.

The alternative is having the courage to say “I don’t know” when you don’t know–being forthright in a way that appropriately conveys your overall confidence (so high, in fact, that you’re OK to admit what might be perceived as a weakness) and your commitment to find the most accurate answer. As counter-intuitive as it may be, “I don’t know” actually builds credibility (and therefore your trustworthiness) because it shows you are honest. ( For more about how the things we want to say the least usually build the most trust, read Trust and Golf: How Neither Makes Sense).

The Proof

Of course, we could add “I love you” to the list of word triplets, but then things start to get a little too squishy. (Or do they?)

I’ll end with this instead: intimacy, other-orientation, and credibility increase trustworthiness. “That makes sense,” “Tell me more” and “I don’t know” improve your score on each. Therefore, three little words really can make you more trustworthy.

Quod erat demonstrandum.

P.S. By the way, with the new year upon us and so many of the usual resolutions already long-forgotten, it’s worth checking out Chris Brogan’s recent blog post, My 3 Words for 2010. Trusted Advisor Associates’ three words for the year (in draft) are Community, Rich-Soil, and Starpower. My personal ones are Leaps, Delicious, and Gravitas. And you?

When a Win-Win…Is Not

January 27, 2010 in Food for Thought, Trusted Advisor, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

This post can also be found at the Trust Matters blog.

Special thanks to Noelle who participated in a Being a Trusted Advisor program Charlie and I led recently. Noelle told a similar story in class that was the inspiration for this post.

I had an experience with US Airways recently that shed light on the difference between what I’ll call a Sears Win-Win* and a Real Win-Win. In short, the difference boils down to incentives.

The Story of an On-Time Departure

It seems that US Airways is placing a lot of emphasis on on-time departures these days.  Works for me! As I was getting settled on a recent flight, I noticed that the flight attendant working my section was particularly smiley and up-beat, urging everyone to get buckled up and ready to go in a most effervescent way.

I acknowledged her demeanor as she paused near my row. “We’re working hard for an on-time departure today and it looks like we’re going to make it!” she beamed.

“Wow,” I said, a bit taken aback by the commitment and the positivity.

Then she added, “And there’s $50 in it for me if we leave the gate on time!”

(Apparently, US Airways implemented a new program in 2009 where employees below the director level can earn up to $150 per month in incentive pay when they achieve top-three rankings for on-time performance, mishandled baggage reports or customer complaint numbers.)

“Oh,” I said.

And then we left on time…and arrived on time.

Why Motives Matter

On the surface, this sure looks like a win-win: I won because we left and arrived on time; the flight attendant won because she got her bonus. The corporate incentive program worked! Or did it?

I say it didn’t. Not really. It clearly achieved a desirable result (me arriving on time). And that result came with–what’s the word I’m looking for–baggage (me feeling like chopped liver). Which is why I call this a Sears Win-Win, not a Real Win-Win. If we look throught the lens of the Trust Equation, my friendly flight attendant’s Self Orientation was sky high. And therein lies the problem: the source of her interest was her own benefit, not mine.

How Do We Make the Ending Happy?

Here are some conclusions I draw from this story:

  • Incentives are great. And they’re not enough
  • When one or more parties in a business transaction leaves that transaction without feeling cared about, it’s a loss, not a win.
  • Motives aren’t only spoken; they’re exuded
  • Real Win-Win’s are motivated by caring, not by numbers.

Which begs the question, how do you incent–and incite–someone to care?

Any answers out there?

*Reference courtesy of Frank Zappa