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Three Little Words

February 4, 2010 in Food for Thought, Trusted Advisor, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

This post can also be found at the Trust Matters blog.

My mother always told me that bad luck comes in threes. At the risk of pushing my luck, I’m going to disagree with her–at least when it comes to trustworthiness. Here are three phrases, each three words long, that are an essential part of any Trusted Advisor toolkit: “That makes sense,” “Tell me more,” and “I don’t know.”

“That Makes Sense”

Charlie speaks this phrase all the time and it’s remarkably effective. I say “speaks,” rather than “uses,” because it’s not a tactic; it’s a genuine expression of empathy.

When said from the heart, “That makes sense” is an incredible intimacy-builder. It’s no accident it also happens to be what relationship guru Harville Hendrix teaches couples to practice saying with each other when working through tough personal issues. Simply put, it’s validating. In a business context, “that makes sense” is particularly disarming in response to an opposing viewpoint…or something you don’t really want to hear.

Note that saying “that makes sense” is not the same as saying “I agree.” With “that makes sense,” you’re simply looking at the world from the other person’s vantage point and seeing how things might be pieced together. And unless you’re speaking to someone whose mental faculties are completely compromised, I promise you things do make sense over there, and there’s a way to see it, somehow or another.

“I see you’re concerned about investing a lot of money and time without being sure of the return. That makes sense.”

“Sounds like it’s imperative to have the right executive sponsor in place before we move forward. That makes sense.”

“It makes sense to consider all the options before you decide which firm you want to hire.”

“Tell Me More”

“Tell me more” is a simple and elegant way to invite someone to share information with you. Distinct from a targeted, intellectually-impressive question, “tell me more” implies an absence of time pressure, agenda (as in motives), and a desire to show off. Its subtext: “The agenda is yours, my time is yours, and my focus is devoted to you, not me.” Its beauty is in its simplicity and its other-orientation.

“I Don’t Know”

I’ve been in and around the consulting industry for close to 20 years and know very few consultants who are comfortable not knowing an answer to a question (myself included). On the contrary, we’ve convinced ourselves that clients not only want answers, they want the right answers…right away.  (See The Point of Listening is Not What you Hear but the Listening Itself.) Which leads to a lot of well-intended bad behavior, like ever-so-slightly exaggerating what we do know in order to fill in the gaps.

The alternative is having the courage to say “I don’t know” when you don’t know–being forthright in a way that appropriately conveys your overall confidence (so high, in fact, that you’re OK to admit what might be perceived as a weakness) and your commitment to find the most accurate answer. As counter-intuitive as it may be, “I don’t know” actually builds credibility (and therefore your trustworthiness) because it shows you are honest. ( For more about how the things we want to say the least usually build the most trust, read Trust and Golf: How Neither Makes Sense).

The Proof

Of course, we could add “I love you” to the list of word triplets, but then things start to get a little too squishy. (Or do they?)

I’ll end with this instead: intimacy, other-orientation, and credibility increase trustworthiness. “That makes sense,” “Tell me more” and “I don’t know” improve your score on each. Therefore, three little words really can make you more trustworthy.

Quod erat demonstrandum.

P.S. By the way, with the new year upon us and so many of the usual resolutions already long-forgotten, it’s worth checking out Chris Brogan’s recent blog post, My 3 Words for 2010. Trusted Advisor Associates’ three words for the year (in draft) are Community, Rich-Soil, and Starpower. My personal ones are Leaps, Delicious, and Gravitas. And you?

When a Win-Win…Is Not

January 27, 2010 in Food for Thought, Trusted Advisor, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

This post can also be found at the Trust Matters blog.

Special thanks to Noelle who participated in a Being a Trusted Advisor program Charlie and I led recently. Noelle told a similar story in class that was the inspiration for this post.

I had an experience with US Airways recently that shed light on the difference between what I’ll call a Sears Win-Win* and a Real Win-Win. In short, the difference boils down to incentives.

The Story of an On-Time Departure

It seems that US Airways is placing a lot of emphasis on on-time departures these days.  Works for me! As I was getting settled on a recent flight, I noticed that the flight attendant working my section was particularly smiley and up-beat, urging everyone to get buckled up and ready to go in a most effervescent way.

I acknowledged her demeanor as she paused near my row. “We’re working hard for an on-time departure today and it looks like we’re going to make it!” she beamed.

“Wow,” I said, a bit taken aback by the commitment and the positivity.

Then she added, “And there’s $50 in it for me if we leave the gate on time!”

(Apparently, US Airways implemented a new program in 2009 where employees below the director level can earn up to $150 per month in incentive pay when they achieve top-three rankings for on-time performance, mishandled baggage reports or customer complaint numbers.)

“Oh,” I said.

And then we left on time…and arrived on time.

Why Motives Matter

On the surface, this sure looks like a win-win: I won because we left and arrived on time; the flight attendant won because she got her bonus. The corporate incentive program worked! Or did it?

I say it didn’t. Not really. It clearly achieved a desirable result (me arriving on time). And that result came with–what’s the word I’m looking for–baggage (me feeling like chopped liver). Which is why I call this a Sears Win-Win, not a Real Win-Win. If we look throught the lens of the Trust Equation, my friendly flight attendant’s Self Orientation was sky high. And therein lies the problem: the source of her interest was her own benefit, not mine.

How Do We Make the Ending Happy?

Here are some conclusions I draw from this story:

  • Incentives are great. And they’re not enough
  • When one or more parties in a business transaction leaves that transaction without feeling cared about, it’s a loss, not a win.
  • Motives aren’t only spoken; they’re exuded
  • Real Win-Win’s are motivated by caring, not by numbers.

Which begs the question, how do you incent–and incite–someone to care?

Any answers out there?

*Reference courtesy of Frank Zappa

Intimacy 201

December 15, 2009 in Consulting on the Edge, Food for Thought, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

by Andrea Howe on Tuesday, December 1, 2009

At first blush, intimacy is a strange word to use in a business context. “What, I’m supposed to intimate with my clients?” In the sense that being intimate means being familiar, informal, and emotionally connected…yes, indeed.

Intimacy is one of the four components of theTrust Equation and it usually gets the short-shrift. For most, it’s more natural to build trust by increasing credibility and reliability. And yet, without intimacy, business transactions are just that–transactions–and the “safe haven” experience that is the hallmark of Trusted Advisor relationships is a pipe dream.

Here is a Top 10 list of intimacy-builders to help answer the question, “How do I build intimacy with my clients?”

Caveat: While the three  groupings (Be Positive, Be Personal, Be Bold) are relatively universal, the specifics underneath are written from a U.S. orientation (mine) and should be adapted as appropriate to fit different cultural norms.

Be Positive

1. Tell your client something you appreciate about him. Don’t just think it; say it. “Amal, before we dig into our agenda today, I just wanted to say I really appreciate how you handled the meeting yesterday. You were clear and direct while also listening to the concerns that were raised. I think it made a difference for the staff.”

2. Celebrate successes together. Give the tendency to be a Task Master a little reprieve. Suggest meetings, coffees, lunches–whatever–that are specifically focused on reflecting on/toasting a job well done.

Be Personal

3. Use your client’s name when you communicate with him/her. They say your own name is the sweetest music to your ears. Address your client personally in your emails, voicemails, and conversations.

4. Use colloquial language. Check the consulting jargon and multi-syllablic words at the door. Practice human talk. Simple. Straightforward. To the point.

5. Be empathic in all your interactions. Empathy creates emotional correctedness. Stop to demonstrate that you’re really tuned in to what your client is saying (both the words and the “music”) before you ask your next question or make your next recommendation. “It’s clear this is a stressful situation, Frank” or “I can appreciate the difficulty in that” or “That sounds like a victory worth celebrating!” (see #2)

6. Be willing to express your own emotions. They’re legit too. “Gee, Johannes, I must confess to feeling pretty frustrated by what you just said” or “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

7.  Share something personal. The next time you’re doing the Monday morning how-was-your-weekend-fine-thanks-yours bit, don’t let it stop at a superficial exchange. “My weekend was great, Surita, thanks for asking. My parents were in town and Sam and I really enjoyed the built-in babysitting. We got a much-needed break.”

Be Bold

8. Acknowledge uncomfortable situations. Caveats are conversational jewels: “Wow, this is awkward…” or “I wish I had better news…” or “The timing with this is embarrassing…”

9. Say what needs to be said. Practice doing it in 10 words or less. “We’re not going to make the deadline” or “We just don’t have the executive sponsorship we need” or “Jim is leaving the team.” The direct approach works especially well in combination with caveats (see #8).

10. Take responsibility for mistakes. Yeah, it’s risky. It’s also human (we all make ‘em) and refreshingly real. “Janet, part of the problem here is that I dropped the ball.”

Of course, none of these “techniques” creates intimacy if they’re forced or disingenuous or robotic. It’s okay (and perfectly natural) to be a little awkward and unpolished–in fact, that just creates more intimacy.

Why Mistakes Build Trust

November 18, 2009 in BossaNova Recommends, Food for Thought, Trusted Advisor, Uncategorized by Andrea | No comments

My mechanic taught me something the other day about being a Trusted Advisor. He screwed up in a big way. And I ended up trusting him more as a result.

An Old Car and an Intimate Relationship with AAA

I love old cars and I drive a 19-year-old Mazda Miata as my primary vehicle to prove it. This necessitates an intimate relationship with AAA, as well as Gray’s Auto in Arlington, VA, where I’ve taken my cars for years with good results. A few weeks ago my car overheated on the way to an appointment. AAA came to the rescue, depositing me at Gray’s where Kevin and crew graciously inserted their unexpected visitor near the top of the list of waiting customers. it took days (and a lot of money) to diagnose and fix the problem. When I arrived at the scheduled time to pick up the car, it wasn’t ready–still being test-driven. It didn’t pass the test. I sat in the grimy waiting room for nearly three hours until it was (ostensibly) ready to go. Then half a mile into my drive home it overheated again–dead as a doornail in the right-hand lane of a busy DC thoroughfare. It was Saturday; growing dark; raining. I wasn’t the happiest of campers.

I called Kevin. He was embarrassed and frustrated, and tried valiantly to find a wrecker (on their dime) to retrieve me faster than AAA could. No luck. “We’ll stay open for you,” he assured me.

Ninety minutes later my haul and I were back at  Gray’s, where Kevin and crew waited to take care of me. They handled the situation beautifully. They were responsible and apologetic, not defensive and guilt-ridden. They didn’t explain or justify or blame; they simply said, “We’ll take care of it.” Then Kevin’s boss insisted on driving me home, stopping along the way for take-out (on his dime) so I wouldn’t have to worry about dinner. And in the end, there was no additional charge for the final repair, even though they’d spent considerable money on parts and labor replacing another failed temperature sensor. We joked when I picked up the car the second time about a mutual desire not to see each other again for at least a couple of months.

Trust Doesn’t Just Trump Screw-ups:  Screw-ups Can Create Trust

So why do I trust Kevin–and Gray’s Auto–more as a result of this experience? Because I’ve seen their true colors. I know what they stand for. And I am confident that, given another challenging situation, they will rise to the occasion. Could they have fixed the problem the first time? Maybe; I don’t really know and I don’t actually care. What I’m left with is an experience of being looked after by people who chose to do right by me, which far outweighs the costs (tangible and intangible) of a one-time goof.

Mistakes are an opportunity for us to show the world what we’re made of–to make known how we handle ourselves and who we choose to be in a moment of truth. Don’t be afraid to screw-up. When you do (and you will because we all do), don’t cover it up with excuses or defensiveness or blame or avoidance tactics. Show your clients who you are for them. Do the right thing and they’ll learn they can count on you for far more than parts and labor.

Trust and Golf: How Neither Makes Sense

October 5, 2009 in Food for Thought, Trusted Advisor by Andrea | No comments

I’ve been reading Trust Agents by Chris Brogan and Julien Smith.

I was particularly struck by the way they told Robert Scoble’s story (a success story, but not usually painted as a trust story).  They call Scoble one of the first trust agents ever on the World Wide Web.

Though hindsight is 20-20, many people watching Scoble’s moves at the time would have labeled him at best irreverent, irresponsible, and committed to career suicide … at worst a complete idiot. But looking at him through the lens of what it takes to become trustworthy, I’m siding with Brogan and Smith—what he did was brilliant.

The Scoble Story

In 2004, Scoble, then a Microsoft employee, took to blogging about serious issues Microsoft and its end users were experiencing. He even candidly sung the praises of Firefox, Microsoft’s Internet Explorer competitor.

Not only did Scoble not get fired, he got readers. And Microsoft got business. Brogan and Smith report, “People began eating up everything he said. If his very next blog post had praised Notepad as ‘the best app ever,’ his readers probably would have said, ‘You’re so right!’”

Scoble attributes part of this phenomenon to something he learned when he helped run retail stores in the 1980’s. If he told a customer that a competitor had a better selection, they often came back and asked to do business with him anyway, “’cause I like you better.”  (Maybe he got it from the Macy’s Santa Claus in Miracle on 34th Street, who recommended competitor Gimbel’s on occasion).

What’s Golf Got to Do with It?

One of the reasons trust is so hard to get a grip on is that it’s rife with paradox. For example, the thing we’re most afraid to say or do is precisely what will build the most trust. Or, in Scoble’s case, the best way to generate sales is to have the courage to be brutally honest about your product’s weaknesses and your competitor’s strengths.

Here’s the link to golf (pardon the pun): I am not a golfer. To me, the only logical way to get that tiny little ball to travel hundreds of yards off the first tee towards that tiny little cup is to hit it as hard as possible. If you’re a golfer, you just shook your head in dismay because you know what my strategy will yield: a nice left hook into a thick forest of trees.

Scoble came to be seen as someone who could be trusted because he knew that building trust is like a golf swing: hype your product and you slice the ball; be honest and land it square on the green.

Golf Aside, Motives Matter

Leaving the golf metaphor behind for a moment, it’s important to remember that motives really do matter. Buyers have a sixth sense for manipulation. Had Scoble been talking trash about his products with the intention of closing deals, his strategy would have backfired. Which leads us to another paradox: the more you try to build trust with the intention of closing deals, the less deals you close.

Take a look at your business model. How might the lessons of golf—and Scoble—improve your game?

How to Be a Self-Deprecating Horn-Tooter

September 16, 2009 in BossaNova Recommends, Trusted Advisor by Andrea | 1 comment

I recently ran for a seat on the condo board of the brand new community I live in. I lost. In front of about 60 people.

My reaction was a mixture of gratitude (“I think I just got spared a LOT of work”), huffiness (“How could they pass ME over?”), and a dash of embarrassment (“Oh no, I think I just looked like an IDIOT in front of a large group of people”).

In reflecting on what worked and didn’t about my little platform speech (I had three minutes to pitch myself to the group), I realized there are some important lessons about trust-based selling to tease out of my defeat.

What Worked

My dominant strategy was to lead with high Intimacy and low Self-Orientation, and to differentiate myself a bit. How? By telling them first why they might NOT want to elect me. I shared openly that I’m a first-time home buyer and had never before been on a condo board – in fact, I had just made my first condo payment ever. My self-deprecation was effective, I think, in that it got a good laugh and set their expectations about what they could and couldn’t count on me for (couldn’t: Board/home ownership expertise; could: honesty and lightheartedness).

What Didn’t Work

There was one thing I didn’t do that left my constituents understandably less than confident in my abilities. I was too humble. I fell into the trap that (sweeping generalization coming) many women do of being tentative about tooting my own horn.

Sure, I told them a little bit about my professional background (close to 20 years in consulting, the latter half with an emphasis on teaming and relationship skills, which lends itself well to community-building endeavors). But I didn’t let them know that when it comes to starting something up (new community, new board), I’m your woman.

I didn’t tell them that eight years ago I launched a business that now boasts a client roster of global companies that generate millions and billions in revenue each year. I didn’t tell them about the community service program I created that, within six months of its inception, was given a prominent mention in SELF magazine and then acquired by a national non-profit.

(Even as I write this, my brain is screaming: Enough with the tooting horns already!)

Bottom line: I didn’t think about what would be of value to them, link that to what I brought to the table, and say it out loud.

What I’d Do Next Time

Of course, this is all speculation; I might have lost because they didn’t like what I was wearing – who knows. I think it’s safe to say, though, that next time I’d be more effective (and certainly less huffy and embarrassed) by doing the following:

- Take five minutes to prepare. Think about what my fellow condo association members might really want in their first set of officers, and know what the link is to my experience and skills.

- Lead with the same opening – why you don’t want to elect me. It’s honest. Plus it’s a little contrarian, and I like that.

- Toot toot toot away. Confidently, succinctly, matter-of-factly, with an emphasis on the aspects of me that directly address their interests and concerns.

I’d leave them with a more complete picture of me–not one that’s either over- or underexposed.

Seems to me these guidelines apply no matter who we are, what we’re selling, and to whom we’re pitching the sale: prepare and be honest about both your strengths and your weaknesses.

That and choose your clothes carefully.

The Great Empathy Famine

May 13, 2009 in Food for Thought, Trusted Advisor by Andrea | No comments

empathyI spent the weekend in California. It started as a mini-vacation—joining a friend’s 50th birthday celebration. It ended with most of the time in my hotel room with the flu.

At first, my demeanor was positive (why compound physical misery with a bad attitude) but steadily declined as I negotiated all the logistical changes required to extend my stay until I could haul my ailing self back across the country.

Of all the service providers with whom I interacted (hotel desk clerks, cleaning ladies, airport rental car attendant), not one acknowledged my matter-of-fact revelation that I was asking for help because I was sick and couldn’t go home.

Why Is Empathy So Hard to Find?

Now, I wasn’t looking for sympathy from these folk (well, maybe a tad). It just would have been nice if, when they learned of my situation, they had given some hint that they had actually heard what I said. "Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” would have completely sufficed. Or “Oh dear!” Even “Bummer, dude.”

But no. Nothin’. Nada. When I finally emerged from my room, the cleaning lady had an attitude – the Do Not Disturb sign that hung on the door for 48 hours straight had kept her from doing her job.

The Alamo car check-in guy dutifully read – word-for-word – the statement on the back of my agreement justifying the additional $10.99 late return charge. Waiving the $10 might have made me a customer for life. Just saying, “I’m so sorry that my job requires me to tack on this extra fee under the circumstances” might have led me to consider renting from Alamo again.

These are not unhappy or unfriendly people. Hey, it’s California. They get a lot of sun. And it’s not like they were in roles not requiring interpersonal skills — I’ll give the hotel housekeeper a pass, but the rest were front-line customer service types. And honest, I wasn’t being a cranky-whiny-pain-in-the-you-know-what sick person – I promise.

I’m not sure what the problem was. Perhaps they weren’t really listening. Or they just didn’t know what to say.

Empathy Isn’t Really All That Difficult

The thing is, empathy isn’t that hard. It comes in many forms: “I’m terribly sorry,” or “I’m sure that wasn’t how you wanted to spend your weekend here!”  or even “That sucks!” (sorry, Mom, I know you hate that word).

Just acknowledge — rather than avoid — the emotional reality of the human being on the other end of the phone/service counter/board room table.

Are you uncomfortable in this touchy-feely zone? That’s perfectly normal. But it’s also a bad excuse for doing nothing. Awkward empathy beats no empathy any day of the week.

In our Trusted Advisor and Trust-Based Selling  programs we spend a lot of time practicing empathy. Put in the terms of the Trust Equation, empathy creates intimacy and intimacy builds trust.

Empathy is imperative in professional services; listening is what drives influence. Just asking good questions is not enough to be a good listener.

Having your client get that you got him — emotionally as well as cognitively — is what earns you the Top Listener award, which in turn earns you the right to be heard.

Next time you ask your client how her weekend was, and she mutters “Not quite what I expected,” try putting the meeting agenda aside just long enough to say, “I’m sorry to hear that” or – context-permitting – “Bummer, dude.”

And if your client ever reveals something that leaves you feeling itchy and unsure what to say, say that (“Oh … I’m not sure what to say”). Any attempt will do.
 

11 Rules to Consult By

February 27, 2008 in Consulting on the Edge, Food for Thought, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

We were recently asked to create a Consulting 101 for a group of IT executives at a very big company. In today’s blog, we share the eleven “Rules to Consult By”, a distilled list that represents what the best of the best in consulting practice on a regular basis. Here we’ve turned it into a short self-assessment. See how you do! Be honest.

trust diagram

If you’re an “Often” on 8 out of 11, congratulations! If you’re a “Sometimes” on five or more, create specific reminders or actions to take in the next week to get back in the best practices groove. If you’re a “Never” or “Rarely” on one or more items, let us know and we”ll offer up some tips to help: info@bossanovaconsulting.com.

Building Group Trust: The Service-Oriented Facilitator

February 12, 2008 in Food for Thought, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

Client meetings are a great opportunity to build trust with many clients at once. Today’s blog is the fourth (and last) in a series that focuses on how to build trust with your clients when you morph from Consultant to Facilitator (Click here to read the first article in the series, Building Group Trust: The Credible Facilitator.)

We’ve used the components of the Trust Equation as our framework. So far, we’ve covered Credibility, Reliability, and Connectedness; now we turn to Service Orientation.

trust diagram

Service Orientation exists in the domain of motives. Service-oriented facilitators make it clear that they are relentlessly focused on their client’s wants and needs at all times. Service-oriented facilitators are also committed to making sure that any and all interactions are all about the group–not about the facilitator. (Note that this component is reflected as Self-Orientation in the denominator of the Trust Equation – the idea here is to minimize a focus on self as much as possible.)

Service Orientation is so important that we’ve identified 20 tips for establishing yourself as a Service-oriented Facilitator:

1. Find out how your client defines success and how you can help them achieve it

2. Deliver “early and ugly” in the design phase – collaborate and iterate

3. Let go of trying to appear clever, bright, witty; it’s not a show and it’s not all about you

4. Put the PowerPoint deck aside – use stories, easel charts, and creative handouts instead

5. Don’t name-drop

6. Be self-deprecating

7. Give voice to your fears

8. Take risks

9. Don’t jump to a solution; give the group ample time to define and grapple with a problem

10. Know your own traps/triggers and make it your job (not your clients’) to manage them

11. Don’t interrupt

12. Answer direct questions with direct answers

13. Practice active/reflective listening — constantly

14. Be really honest even (especially) when it makes you look bad

15. Give others credit for successes

16. Take responsibility for failed communications

17. Confront issues as they arise (e.g., when ground rules are broken) -being preoccupied with them keeps your attention on your own preoccupation

18. Be willing to turn leadership of the group over to the group at an appropriate time

19. Let someone in the group have the last word, even (especially) when you”re dying to add your piece

20. Take time to solicit “plus/delta” feedback; hear it all with grace and good humor

Clients who experience you as Service-oriented can be heard saying, “I trust that she cares about xyz.” As a result, they’ll trust your leadership of the group.

Credibility, Reliability, Connectedness, and Service-orientation: four secret ingredients to turning any client meeting of any size into an opportunity for a double-whammy: exceeding expected results while simultaneously building trust.

Email us to receive our one-page handout called “50+ Tips for Building your Trustworthiness as a Facilitator.”

Building Group Trust: The Connected Facilitator

January 8, 2008 in Food for Thought, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

Client meetings are a great opportunity to build trust with many clients at once. Today’s blog is the third in a four-pack that focuses on how to build trust with your clients when you morph from Consultant to Facilitator. (Click here to read the first article in the series, Building Group Trust: The Credible Facilitator and click here to read the second article in the series, Building Group Trust: The Reliable Facilitator). We’ll use the components of the Trust Equation as our framework.

trust diagram

We�ve covered Credibility and Reliability so far; now we turn to Connectivity, which aligns with Intimacy on the Trust Equation.

Intimacy exists in the domain of emotions and emotional connectedness. The Connected Facilitator visibly demonstrates both empathy and discretion, which makes it possible for the group to flourish in a comfortable and safe working environment.

Here are 10 tips for establishing yourself as a Connected Facilitator:

1. Be rigorous about maintaining confidentiality when you collect and report group data (e.g., surveys or interviews)

2. Create a meeting design that supports discussion and disclosure (e.g., pairs sharing first before a whole group discussion) – especially around sensitive topics

3. Create a physical meeting space that is welcoming and orderly

4. Share something (appropriately) personal with the group; lead by example

5. Pay special attention to member participation throughout the meeting; use techniques like one-word check-ins and round robin reporting so all voices are heard

6. Use easel charts, white boards, and other visible recording devices to capture group input and actions

7. Use participants� language when creating a group record – even if you think it’s incorrect (grammatically or otherwise)

8. Acknowledge uncomfortable situations (e.g., “Wow, I notice the room got really quiet all of a sudden.”)

9. Demonstrate empathy; repeat back/summarize not only the content of what group members are expressing, but the emotion behind it

10. Use “process checks” periodically; step away from the content of the meeting to get feedback on participants’ overall experience of it.

Clients who experience an emotional connection with you have a sense of security, comfort, and ease in your presence. As a result, they’ll trust your leadership of the group, which means they will be more likely to express themselves and share information with you and with each other.

Unfortunately, emotional connectedness, or intimacy, is necessary and not sufficient for building trust. Last up: The Service-Oriented Facilitator.

Building Group Trust: The Reliable Facilitator

December 21, 2007 in Food for Thought, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

Client meetings are a great opportunity to build trust with many clients at once. Today’s blog is the second in a four-pack series that focuses on how to build trust with your clients when you morph from Consultant to Facilitator (click here to read the first article in the series, Building Group Trust: The Credible Facilitator). We’re using the components of the Trust Equation as our framework.

trust diagram

First up was Credibility. Today’s topic: Reliability.

Reliability exists in the domain of actions. Reliability occurs when you prove yourself to be dependable and predictable over time.

Here are 10 tips for establishing yourself as a Reliable Facilitator:

1. Whenever possible, interact with the group prior to convening to introduce yourself and begin to demonstrate how you work.

2. Be sensitive to your clients’ cultural norms when designing sessions.

3. Stick to the agenda you’ve created unless you clearly re-contract with the group or group leader to make changes.

4. Create materials (easel charts, handouts, session notes) with a consistent look and feel.

5. Dress appropriately; don’t dress way “over” or “under” your clients.

6. Use the group’s terminology.

7. Check against objectives/expectations at key junctures and ending points.

8. Always return to “Parking Lots” and other similar group records to bring closure to outstanding ideas and actions.

9. Absolutely, positively end your session when promised (unless you have agreed otherwise in advance).

10. Deliver follow-up materials on time.

Clients who experience you as reliable can be heard saying, “I trust her to _______.” As a result, they’ll trust your leadership of the group.

Credibility and reliability are necessary and not sufficient for building trust. Next up: The Connected Facilitator.

Building Group Trust: The Credible Facilitator

December 19, 2007 in Food for Thought, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

trust photoClient meetings are a great opportunity to build trust with many clients at once. Today’s blog is the first in a four-pack that focuses on how to build trust with your clients when you morph from Consultant to Facilitator.

We’ll use the components of the Trust Equation as our framework.

trust diagram

First up: Credibility.

Credibility exists in the domain of words. It is created through your credentials, your truthfulness, and how you present yourself.

Here are 10 tips for establishing yourself as a Credible Facilitator:

1. Know your stuff! Stay up-to-date on facilitation tools and techniques.

2. Be accurate and complete with your design and preparation.

3. Prepare your easel charts and other supporting materials well in advance; create an organized and welcoming meeting space.

4. When you are in presenter mode, practice, practice, practice, so your delivery is relaxed.

5. Be familiar with your clients’ terminology and acronyms.

6. Say “I don’t know” when you don’t know.

7. Never lie. Ever. (Click here to read more on the topic of lying.)

8. Remain poised and secure when group members express different opinions.

9. Express your passion for your work and for the group.

10. Be humble; remember the group’s wisdom rules the day.

Clients who experience you as credible can be heard saying, “I trust what he says about xyz.” As a result, they’ll trust your leadership of the group.

All that said, credibility is necessary and not sufficient for building trust. Next up: The Reliable Facilitator.

Consulting and the Art of Self-Deprecation

November 29, 2007 in Consulting on the Edge, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

Today’s blog brings humor to your desktop (or PDA), along with some perspective on what consultants can learn from comedians.

According to Wikipedia.com, comedians use self-deprecating humor “to avoid seeming arrogant or pompous and to help the audience identify with them.” Sounds like a good strategy for anyone looking to build trust and rapport with another human being. Sounds like an especially good strategy for anyone in the consulting profession. Ask any client who has worked with consultants over the years – they’ll have at least a few horror stories to tell about the Big Important Expert they hired. That creates messes we are all left to clean up.

Self-deprecation is an art that should be routinely practiced by anyone who claims the title “consultant.”

Here’s some material for your toolkit (original author unknown):

Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear from a Consultant

1. You’re right; we’re billing way too much for this.

2. Bet you I can go a week without saying “synergy” or “value-added”.

3. How about paying us based on the success of the project?

4. This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read.

5. Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do.

6. I don’t know enough to speak intelligently about that.

7. Implementation? I only care about writing long reports.

8. I can’t take the credit. It was Ed in your marketing department.

9. The problem is, you have too much work for too few people.

10. Everything looks okay to me.

Share this with your clients. They’ll enjoy laughing at your expense. And they’ll appreciate your ability to laugh at yourself!

Truth, Lies, and Unicorns Revisited: How to Speak Honestly in Business

November 20, 2007 in Consulting on the Edge, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

This is our last post (for now) on the subject of lying in professional services (click here to read our first blog posting on the topic). Today’s blog offers a socially acceptable way to put hard truths on the table. It’s called “Name It and Claim It” and it starts with a caveat and ends with telling it like it is.

Caveats are forewarnings that compensate for what we are about to say. An example might be, “I wish I had better news …” Acknowledging the sometimes harsh truths that follow, we rob them of their power.

Another style of caveat is to speak with humor: “You’re gonna love me for this …” By using humor, we lighten a tense situation.

After the caveat, the next part is simple: Tell it like it is. Say, for instance, “This job is going to take longer and cost more.” Do it in ten words or less.

“Name It and Claim It” functions as a meta-tool: by speaking the thing we fear most, we disarm its power. It is a form of emotional risk management. By incurring a small amount of discomfort, we reliably defuse much larger amounts of discomfort later.

By telling the truth, we solve problems and simultaneously build trust. The result: our client opens up to us. He takes our advice, seeks us out, and listens carefully to what we say. Isn’t that what we’re really being paid for?

*”Name It and Claim It” can be found in The Trusted Advisor by David Maister, Charles Green, and Rob Galford. We think it’s a must-read for anyone in professional services.

Truth, Lies, and Unicorns Revisited: Why All Business Advisors Lie

November 15, 2007 in Consulting on the Edge, Food for Thought by Andrea | No comments

Continuing our conversation on the pervasiveness of lying in professional services (click here to read our first blog posting on the topic), today’s blog explores why business advisors, when weighing the two options of telling the truth and telling a lie, often choose to lie. Yes, that’s correct, we lie even in cases where an objective analysis would suggest that truth-telling would benefit us more.

If you think this article doesn’t apply to you, think again. Business advisors who don’t ever create a false or misleading impression – in other words, lie — are like unicorns: not inconceivable, but pretty unlikely.

Here’s how we get trapped in our own misguided logic.

On the Truth side:

- We underestimate the value of truth-telling. When we are forthright and willing to face facts, clients often perceive us as virtuous.

- We overestimate the cost of disapproval for telling the truth. Clients who face an uncomfortable reality usually see it as something to be dealt with and to move beyond.

On the Lie side:

- We underestimate the cost of disapproval if the truth is revealed. We rationalize that we aren’t really lying (we are being optimistic, maintaining a “can do” attitude). Except we are lying by avoiding or omitting the truth, and getting caught affects our reputation for the long term.

- We overestimate the probability of getting away with lying. We convince ourselves that somehow we’ll be saved from ever having to face the truth. How many times did you think you were fooling your parents as a child only to find out they knew what you were up to all along?

In short, lying seems to make sense in a psychological way and therefore masquerades as the rational choice. But even when analyzed from a purely self-serving perspective, truth-telling is under-rated.

Next up: how to come clean in a way that builds trust instead of breaking it.

Truth, Lies, and Unicorns Revisited: The Pervasiveness of Lying in Professional Services

November 6, 2007 in Consulting on the Edge, Food for Thought by Andrea | No comments

I am continually struck by how often I confront my own tendency to lie with clients. Yes, I said lie. Think you’re squeaky clean? Hmmmm … I’m not so sure. Try out our five-point checklist to gauge the depth of your own trustworthiness.

In the article that Charles H. Green and I co-authored in early 2007, we asserted that business advisors (or for that matter, people) who don’t lie are like unicorns: not inconceivable, but pretty unlikely. I am no exception. I bet the same is true for you.

Charlie and I used the term “lying” to be deliberately provocative. We borrowed a Merriam-Webster definition (”to create a false or misleading impression”) and, within that definition, defined five common ways that business advisors lie to clients. Here they are, listed from the most rare to most common:

- Saying an untruth

- Speaking truth by technicality

- Telling “harmless” fibs

- Lying by omission

- A peculiar form of lying known as exceeding expectations

I have a tendency to lie by omission – not wanting to raise difficult issues in the hope that they will just magically disappear.

And you? An honest self-assessment is part of any extraordinary consultant’s regular practice. As the old saying goes, the truth shall set you free.

Consulting Made Funny?

November 1, 2007 in Consulting on the Edge, Food for Thought by Andrea | No comments

Comedy Image“Think improv comedy is just for laughs? Think again. It’s fertile training ground for dealing with the unexpected – you know, like in a sales conversation, when a client asks a zinger that you never saw coming. I discovered the magic of improv comedy a few years ago when I decided it was time to learn how to get past the “frozen-ness” I felt when something like that happened to me.

I got lots and lots of practice on that improv comedy stage! And my eyes also opened wide to so many parallels between what it takes to be an extraordinary improv comedian and what it takes to be an extraordinary consultant.

Improv comedy is comedy that’s made up completely on the spot, based on audience suggestions. Like the hi-jinx on the TV show, Whose Line is it, Anyway. Extraordinary improv comedians are masterful at:

- Teamwork and collaboration. An improv comedy stage is a completely level playing field. There are no hierarchies, no titles. It’s all about working together towards a common goal.

- Decision-making. Being completely in the moment makes it possible to act on information provided on the spot.

- Innovation. Turning off the inner editor allows creative thoughts to flow without inhibition. There is no such thing as “analysis paralysis” among successful improv comedians.

- Adaptability. Being flexible; bringing humor and ease to a constantly changing environment; dealing with the unexpected.

- Listening and focus. Improv comedy takes active listening to a whole new level. Accepting and adding to an “offer” is essential.

- Being of service. Improv comedy requires that you check your ego at the door and truly be of service to others; it’s all about making them look good.

- Trust. Improv comedians create a profound connection with each other – the foundation that makes an extraordinary performance possible. They know and believe their fellow improv-ers “have their back” and therefore take action from a place of confidence and faith.

See any links to the world of professional services? I’d say there are a few.

Has anyone out there used improv comedy to sharpen your consulting skills?

P.S. if you’re looking for a 4.5-minute break in your workday, watch our clients perform improv comedy with us: http://www.bossanovaconsulting.com/services/improv.php#Video

High Impact Client Presentations – Tip #5 of 5

October 30, 2007 in Food for Thought, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

Today’s blog offers the fifth of five tips to help you avoid the all-too-common trap of speaking more than listening when you’re giving a client presentation. Use these tips any time you are trying to influence a group of people — regardless of your role, your audience, or your time boundaries.

Tip # 1: (Within the first 2 minutes) Get their voices in the room. Click here to read more.

Tip #2: (Within the first 5 minutes) Find out what they want to hear from you. Click here to read more.

Tip #3: (At the 6-minute mark) Don’t be afraid to throw out what you had planned based on what they tell you they want. Click here to read more.

Tip #4: (5 minutes before closing) See how well you met their expectations. Click here to read more.

Tip #5: (1 minute before closing) Know where they stand when you leave. Use a One Word Check-out. Ask, “How are you as you leave the room?” You’ll know immediately what impact you had and what your next steps are. This is often a really uplifting experience for everyone involved – including you! It’s amazing how quickly a room can go from “pooped” to “psyched,” especially when you’ve followed Tips 1 through 4. And if the reverse has happened, well, bummer. But wouldn’t you rather know – and know immediately – so you can deal with it … and adjust your approach for the next time?

Bottom line: Being influential comes as a result of listening first, not talking. This is true whether you’re a consultant outside an organization or a leader within one, speaking in a formal setting or gathered casually around a conference room table, delivering a presentation lasting 30 minutes or 3 days. Use all five tips for high impact client presentations.

These tips were originally presented in BossaNova’s TwentyFourSeven newsletter. Click here to see it and find other articles of interest.

High Impact Client Presentations – Tip #4 of 5

October 25, 2007 in Food for Thought, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

Today’s blog offers the fourth of five tips to help you avoid the all-too-common trap of speaking more than listening when you’re giving a client presentation. Use these tips any time you are trying to influence a group of people — regardless of your role, your audience, or your time boundaries.

Tip #1: (Within the first 2 minutes) Get their voices in the room. Click here to read more.

Tip #2: (Within the first 5 minutes) Find out what they want to hear from you. Click here to read more.

Tip #3: (At the 6-minute mark) Don’t be afraid to throw out what you had planned based on what they tell you they want. Click here to read more.

Tip #4: (5 minutes before closing) See how well you met their expectations. If the venue allows it, ask everyone to share to what extent their interests were addressed. If this kind of one-to-one exchange just isn’t feasible, then summarize what you covered and how you attempted to address what they wanted to accomplish. Refer back to the list you made as part of Tip #2. Ask for a show of hands to indicate how successful you were.

Next up: Tip #5 of 5.

High Impact Client Presentations – Tip #3 of 5

October 23, 2007 in Food for Thought, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

Today’s blog offers the third of five tips to help you avoid the all-too-common trap of speaking more than listening when you’re giving a client presentation. Use these tips any time you are trying to influence a group of people — regardless of your role, your audience, or your time boundaries.

Tip # 1: (Within the first 2 minutes) Get their voices in the room. Click here to read more.

Tip #2: (Within the first 5 minutes) Find out what they want to hear from you. Click here to read more.

Tip #3: (At the 6-minute mark) Don’t be afraid to throw out what you had planned based on what they tell you they want. This is the hallmark act of someone who really knows their stuff – and knows how to connect with people. Trade in a “perfect” pitch for one that’s perfectly in tune with your audience. It doesn’t matter if you stumble and fumble a bit in the process. Let your audience know they are so important to you that you’re willing to forego your put-together image to give them what they want.

Next up: Tip #4 of 5.

High Impact Client Presentations – Tip #2 of 5

October 18, 2007 in Food for Thought, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

Today’s blog offers the second of five tips to help you avoid the all-too-common trap of speaking more than listening when you’re giving a client presentation. Use these tips any time you are trying to influence a group of people — regardless of your role, your audience, or your time boundaries.

Tip # 1: (Within the first 2 minutes) Get their voices in the room. Click here to read more.

Tip #2: (Within the first 5 minutes) Find out what they want to hear from you. How else do you know how to best use their valuable time – and yours? Once again, a simple question will do. One I use often is, “What would have to happen in the next __ minutes/days for you to walk away saying, ‘Wow, this was really valuable’?” If you’re speaking to a room of 10 people, you can afford to solicit an answer from everyone. If you’re speaking to a room of 50, take a random sample. There is always a quick and effective way to get the information you need to tailor your pitch for maximum impact.

BONUS: Record what you hear on easel chart paper or some other medium that can be seen by the whole group. This is another way to help people feel heard. Plus you’ll want to refer back to this list later.

Next up: Tip #3 of 5.

High Impact Client Presentations – Tip #1 of 5

October 16, 2007 in Food for Thought, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

Not too long ago I got to watch another consulting team give a sales pitch to my clients. Sadly, the consulting team missed a major opportunity to build rapport with their prospects and get into their world. Why? Because all they did was talk. Today’s blog offers the first of five tips to help you avoid the all-too-common trap of speaking more than listening when you’re giving a client presentation. Use these tips any time you are trying to influence a group of people — regardless of your role, your audience, or your time boundaries.

Tip # 1: (Within the first 2 minutes) Get their voices in the room. One of my favorite techniques is what I call a One Word Check-in. Simply ask, “If you had to describe how you are at this moment in just one word, what word would you choose?” (Notice I do not ask how they are “feeling” – a charged word for some people.) Your audience’s answers will give you an immediate sense of how they are doing, and how ready they are to engage with you. As a bonus, they’ll be that much more inclined to engage because you took a moment to inquire about them early on.

What do you do with what you hear? First and foremost, don’t even think about taking their answers personally. I once surveyed a group of 40 people and the majority shared words like “exhausted,” “tired,” “spent.” This had absolutely nothing to do with me. But was I glad I collected the data. Simply asking about – and acknowledging – their collective state immediately boosted the energy in the room. Plus I was able to tailor my presentation to adapt to the group mood. Conversely, if the vibe in the room is upbeat, ready, energized, you can get down to business that much faster and feel confidently you aren’t leaving people behind.

BONUS: Repeat each word you hear before you move onto the next person. This requires all of one extra second per person and you get two important things in return: (1) You help everyone hear how the room is doing (in a large room, sometimes you’re the only one with the benefit of a microphone or a booming presenter’s voice), and (2) You give each and every person the experience of being heard – one of the greatest gifts you can give another human being. All within the first 2 minutes of your pitch!

Next up: Tip #2 of 5.

The ROI of Business Friendships

October 11, 2007 in Food for Thought by Andrea | No comments

We were recently featured on Karen Salmansohn’s SIRIUS radio show, BE HAPPY DAMMIT (LIME Channel 114). Karen publishes a “Be Happy Dammit Tips” Newsletter. Her April 27 issue quotes some fascinating statistics about the value of business friendships. For example:

- People with a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged in their work.

- Close friendships at work boost employee satisfaction by nearly 50%.

- People with at least three close friends at work are 46% more likely to be extremely satisfied their job – and 88% more likely to be satisfied with their lives.

- Employees who are good friends with their bosses are more than twice as likely to be happy with their work.

Friendship ImageThe relevance of friendship is not new to the world of professional services. David Maister writes about friendship in his article titled Young Professionals: Cultivate the Habits of Friendship . He asserts, “The way most clients choose among professionals is essentially identical to the way people choose their friends. At the point of selecting a professional to work with, clients go with providers who can:

(a) make them feel at ease; (b) make them feel comfortable sharing their fears and concerns; (c) can be trusted to look after them as well as their transaction and (d) are dependably on their side.”

It seems logical to infer that clients who view you, their business advisor, as a friend are at least doubly more likely to be engaged in the work you do and be satisfied with the results you produce.

Take stock: how many clients can you call “friend”?

Fear-Based Selling Alive and Well in Indonesia … and Right Here at Home

October 9, 2007 in Food for Thought by Andrea | No comments

A recent travel experience in Bali, where persistent street vendors showed me what fear-based selling looks and feels like, helped me see the world from our clients’ perspective. Here’s a travelogue excerpt to tee this up:

“TRANSPORT? GOOD PRICE! MAYBE TOMORROW?”

Like the dogs in Ubud, there was one really big down side to tourist beach life: the very persistent vendors. The Balinese could use a lesson from Charlie Green on the value of trading in the hard sell for a more subtle approach. Reallllly got on my nerves after not too long. Very different from anything I’ve experienced in Thailand or Laos. A whole ‘nother level of persistence.

Walking down either the vendor-lined main street or beach walkway (pretty much the only way to get anywhere) routinely went something like this:

Vendor (with big smile): “Hello, how are you?”

Me (smile): “Fine, thank you.”

Vendor (with big smile): “You need transport?”

Me (smile): “No, thank you.”

Vendor (with big smile): “I make good price!”

Me (smile): “No, thank you.”

Vendor (with big smile): “Maybe tomorrow?”

Me (smile): “Won’t be here tomorrow.”

Vendor (with big smile): “You need ride to airport?”

Me (smile starting to fade): “No, thank you.”

Vendor (with big smile): “I make good price!!”

Seems harmless enough, but imagine walking another three feet to the next vendor (there are literally hundreds of them, side by side) … and repeating the exchange all over again. Exhausting. Truly. The resort I initially turned my nose up at became a safe haven after one pass. I actually began to dread going out!

What I later realized after talking to one driver (I succumbed) is that it’s all fear-driven. August is the height of tourist season and the resorts aren’t as populated as usual. Which means they’re clamoring for their survival and the shtick is an act of desperation.

Doesn’t make it any less irritating, but does cast a different light on it.

While I suspect we are all far too “professional” to ever show up like my Balinese vendor friends, I’m going to assert that we have our own subtle ways of being ineffective with our clients when we perceive our survival (emotional, psychological) is at stake. Think back to the last time you could taste a high-stakes deal but were afraid you might not close it.

My own personal brand of fear-based selling is a cat of a different stripe; when I’m confronting my own survival issues, I err on the side of being tentative with/withdrawn from clients. This looks like me not following up regularly, following up late, not following up at all, or following up with worry about being an imposition in the background. None of which serves my clients, as they end up feeling one or more of the following ways: confused, unsupported, irritated, anxious.

The questions for today are: What does your own personal brand of fear-based selling look like? And what’s the impact on your clients?

E-Mail Reply to All: ‘Leave Me Alone’

October 4, 2007 in Food for Thought by Andrea | No comments

So goes the headline of an article on the front page of The Washington Post on May 25, 2007. Across the country, business professionals are facing an ever-increasing backlog of emails and throwing up their hands in frustration and overwhelm. The article spotlights Fred Wilson, a venture capitalist, who recently sent a broadcast email to his entire address book saying, “I am so far behind on email that I am declaring bankruptcy … I am starting over.” A December 2006 article in BusinessWeek, hailing a company that has officially declared Friday as a day of rest from email, seems to indicate a trend.

I’ve got my own love/hate relationship with email. As of the date of this writing, I have steadfastly refused to enable my fancy mobile phone to send and receive email messages (although I will confess that my resolve is weakening by the day). And I seem to be perpetually challenged to lead or facilitate client meetings where participants are constantly distracted by their “Crackberrys” (or actively managing their distraction because of the meeting ground rules that we’ve set). Email mania appears to be especially pervasive inside the large consulting firms who are BossaNova’s clients, where the addiction begs the creation of a 12-Step Program.

Irritation (and my own addiction) aside, I’m fascinated by the email phenomenon as it relates to building trust with clients. It seems to me there are pros and cons of email, as with anything. Using the components of The Trust Equation* as a guide, here’s my take:

CREDIBILITY: On the upside, email makes it easy to share information with clients that demonstrates your knowledge (a white paper can be delivered in the blink of an eye). On the downside, the “presence” dimension of credibility (how you convey what you know) is tough to master over email.

RELIABILITY: On the upside, email makes it easy to schedule (and change) appointments, send messages, and to generally be “in touch.” On the downside, email creates an emotional distance that makes it way too easy to change commitments (kind of like cutting someone off on the highway is easier when you assume he/she is a stranger).

INTIMACY: On the upside, email provides yet another medium for communicating about sensitive topics – some clients are more comfortable sharing thru the written word than through dialogue. On the downside, private information can be too easily shared with others by accident, creating the potential for huge breaches in confidentiality.

SELF-ORIENTATION: On the upside, email makes it easy to show you care – for example, by passing along a link to an article or other helpful resource. On the downside, email is a “cooler” communication medium than phone or face-to-face and leaves lots of room for misinterpretation.

What say you? Is email predominantly a client trust-builder or a client trust-breaker?

*The Trust Equation and other profound insights on building trust with clients can be found in The Trusted Advisor by David Maister, Charlie Green, and Rob Galford. For more information about our partnership with Charlie Green of Trusted Advisor Associates, click here: http://www.bossanovaconsulting.com/about/partners.php

“Early and Ugly” – an Oldie but Goodie

October 2, 2007 in Consulting on the Edge, Tips of the Trade by Andrea | No comments

This appeared in BossaNova’s 2006 summer newsletter, and it bears repeating.

“Early and ugly” is what a prized client said he wanted from his consulting firm. “Our very senior client was telling us he didn’t want to wait weeks or months for a polished deliverable; he wanted to be part of the action every step of the way,” reports Wayne Simmons, managing partner of ICOR Partners , a strategic management consulting firm servicing the public sector. “We were happy to hear it because that’s exactly how we like to work,” he added.

What a great reminder that not only is it OK to be “messy” with our clients, it’s often what they prefer. The Recovering Perfectionist in me needs this reminder repeatedly.

How messy do you dare to be?

A Country Music Star as a Trusted Advisor?

September 25, 2007 in Consulting on the Edge, Food for Thought by Andrea | No comments

I saw Vince Gill in concert recently. First time. I was pretty sure I’d enjoy the music, but I had no idea I’d walk away having learned something from this country music celebrity about being a Trusted Advisor.

The concert was magical. Sure, the music was good (if you like country and I will confess I do). Vince is talented, as is his entourage. But he created something with his band and his audience that turned a good concert into an extraordinary experience of community and connectedness. How? By how he was being: humble, self-deprecating, intimate, vulnerable, and totally transparent.

There were several bands listed on the playbill that night, presumably warm-ups for the Big Guy. At curtain time, a lone man appeared on stage, dressed in blue jeans and a T-shirt, and simply started playing guitar and singing. I kept looking at the program, trying to figure out who he was. I also wondered why this guy was playing a song I recognized as Vince’s when the star himself would be on stage in an hour or so. Turned out it was Vince. All by his lonesome. He appeared with no fanfare, no glitz – just showed up and started doing what he does best.

At one point he traded his guitar (for which he is known) for a fiddle. I don’t remember the song as much as I remember what he said as soon as it ended: “Boy, am I glad that’s over!” Everyone laughed, and he shared with us how he is a novice with the fiddle and always nervous about playing it on stage – especially in the company of one of his band-members who is very accomplished with the instrument. Plus he told us that he hates how, due to some recent weight gain, it gives him a triple-chin.
Later, he introduced a song he wrote after his father’s death with a story about his father. He knows how to weave a good story, so that made a difference. But what really drew us in was the authentic and loving way he shared about the trials and tribulations of their relationship. We could all relate. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house at the end of the song.

I will remember this concert for years to come. Why? Because this country music expert created something magical for me and several thousand of my closest friends because of how he was being. And you know what? You and I and every other expert in the corporate world can have the same kind of impact.

Forget about your decades of experience and advanced degrees – just for a moment. Put aside your To Do list. What possibilities are you going to create for your clients today out of how you are being?

To Hug or Not to Hug, That is the Question

September 22, 2007 in Consulting on the Edge, Food for Thought by Andrea | No comments

I’ve had several awkward moments greeting several different clients in the past few months, where the unspoken question for both of us has been, “To hug or not to hug?” The question seems to arise with clients who fall in two categories:

1 – Business friends – these are clients with whom I don’t necessarily socialize outside of work, but with whom I have established a relationship that’s far more than strictly business — a relationship marked by candor, warmth, genuine caring, and the easy exchange of personal as well as business information.

2 – Personal friends who have become clients – these are clients with whom I had a personal relationship long before we did any work together.

The dilemma arises when a handshake seems completely inauthentic because it’s too formal and distant, and yet a hug seems out of place in a business setting. So what usually results is a really awkward, jerky-movement thing, like two chickens in a barnyard – one of us sticks out our hand while the other moves in for a light embrace, then we both pull back and switch, trying to match the others’ first move.

The Trusted Advisor teaches us to seek intimacy — not fear it – through emotional connectedness with clients; to dare to show clients that we care about them and that we see them more as human beings than walking, talking revenue streams. And yet the question, “To hug or not to hug?” raises all kinds of ancillary questions. Such as:

-What if my client doesn’t like to hug anyone, let alone his or her consultant?

-Should the rules be different depending on whether my client is a man or a woman? The same gender or the opposite gender?

-What if someone else who is “outside” the relationship is there to witness (or be left out of) the hug?

-What is the equivalent dilemma in a country with different cultural norms, where hugging might be completely off the table but kissing might not?

-How much is too much? Where do we draw the line?

Your thoughts?

Why Consultants Speak Like Idiots

September 20, 2007 in Consulting on the Edge by Andrea | No comments

I have always been simultaneously amused and utterly appalled by consultant-speak, particularly when I hear it coming out of my own mouth. You know the buzz words. They’re everywhere, buried inside complex sentences like snakes nestled in the underbrush:

- “The key to success for your organization is to discern how to leverage your assets for maximum return.” (Nowhere in Merriam-Webster is “leverage” a verb).
- “We’re experts at operationalizing your business strategy.” (“Operationalize” is simply not in the dictionary).
- “Let’s utilize existing frameworks wherever we can.” (OK, this one’s in the dictionary, but it’s an awfully big word for “use,” dontcha think?)

Even more horrifying, we consultants don’t just write like this, we actually talk like this! It’s humorous at best, trust-damaging at worst. Imagine being a client and having to decipher all this lingo. Imagine being a client, sitting through the 100th presentation given by the third consulting firm to be hired in the last three years, and thinking quietly to yourself, “I thought these guys were going to be different.”

One way we can stand apart – while simultaneously creating real human-to-human connection – is to simplify our language. You know, say it in English.

For an insightful and humorous take on this subject, check out Why Business People Speak Like Idiots: A Bullfighter’s Guide written by Brian Fugere, Chelsea Hardaway, and Jon Warshawsky – notably, three consultants. Here’s an excerpt from the book:

“Jargon, wordiness, and evasiveness are the active ingredients of modern business-speak, and they make up the Obscurity Trap. This trap is particularly pervasive, and its perpetrators are evil people who want to destroy civilization as we know it. (Well, okay, not really, but it felt good to get that out.) We call this a trap because the people who spew jargon and all of that evasiveness really aren’t evil at all.

They’re us.”

Ouch.

Thanks to a strong recommendation for the book from BossaNova’s marketing consulting firm, TurningPointe Marketing , I’ve just ordered a copy.

This week’s challenge: Listen to yourself. What do you hear? What are you really trying to say?