1. High trust means high risk. There is no trust without risk, period.

2. People trust people. Branding and marketing efforts are valuable, absolutely. And trust is personal. It occurs (or not) human-to-human.

3. It’s OK to say what you’re thinking. This is especially true when you’re thinking isn’t fully formed and perfectly articulated. “Thinking out loud” demonstrates your willingness to be honest, humble, and sometimes messy.

4. Don’t rush to problem-solving. This is the second biggest destroyer of trust. We, the overachievers, naturally want to prove our credibility by showing how quickly we can come up with the right answer. But we have to earn the right to give advice before we can give it – if we want that advice to be heard.

5. It’s OK to be honest, even if it makes you look bad. Honesty is an essential aspect of credibility.

6. Get the chatter out of our brains. Our own thoughts, worries, fears, and pre-occupations create noise that interferes with our ability to truly tune in to others.

7. “Rip off the band-aid.” When there’s bad news to deliver, deliver it right away.

8. Get the elephant out immediately. A close cousin to #7. What seems un-discussable (the proverbial elephant in the room) is usually precisely what needs to be discussed to build trust.

9. Get the words and the “music.” Listening – really listening – requires attention to facts as well as emotions, surface as well as nuance.

10. A problem shared is a problem halved. This one speaks to the principal of collaboration, which is usually easier said than done.

11. “This isn’t about me.” Another great mantra. Self-orientation is a huge trust-destroyer.

12. Stop being clever; be human and honest instead. Enough said.

Which one will you choose to put into practice by COB today?

Learning that STICks is learning that is Sustainable, Transformational, Intelligent and Collaborative. STICky learning is flexible; it can expand or contract to fit time, budget, and resource constraints. But in every case, being STICky pays off.

To give you a taste of what Learning that STICks is all about, here are some examples of quick ways to implement STICky learning:

- Convene an action learning team with the specific goal of improving one or more real-life client relationships over a three-month period (Sustainable). Include time to define and debrief specific action steps as well as time for members to give each other feedback and reflect on what mindsets are in play (Transformational). Have participants complete a before and after self-assessment to identify their strengths and development areas in terms of thinking smarts, relating smarts, and being smarts (Intelligent). Invite managers to join the action learning team once a month to provide guidance and feedback (Collaborative).

- Have participants in a learning program work together to prepare a “brown bag” series (Sustainable) on “Emotionally Intelligent Consulting” (Intelligent). Make storytelling an integral part of the presentations (Transformational). Invite a client panel to participate to share their experiences and perspectives (Collaborative).

Here’s the key: learning that STICks addresses all of the essentials in some form or other. You might say the elements must be –um, “stuck”— together to be effective. For example, learning programs that are Sustainable but not Transformational may do a great job of reinforcing new skills but never crack open the limiting mindsets that impair a consultants’ ability to carry out those skills. Learning programs that are Intelligent but not Collaborative may create a cadre of well-rounded consultants but miss the “wow” that’s created when key stakeholders are focused on exceptional client service.

We’ll let you know when Learning that STICks is available on our website. No registration is required to download the paper, but if you’d like to receive automatic notification, please click here to register for our monthly BossaNews.

In our Trusted Advisor workshops and coaching engagements, we spend a lot of time on listening. Why? Because not listening is one of the top two causes of trust breakdown. (The other — accelerating too quickly to a solution – is another form of not listening.)

Listening is critical to advice-giving because it’s through listening that we earn the right to offer advice.

There are many reasons we humans do a crappy job of listening. One of my favorites: the little internal voice that clogs our brain with incessant chatter.

(Don’t have a little voice in your head? Your little voice is the one that says, “What little voice? I don’t have a little voice.”)

A 30-second snippet from a typical internal dialogue:

Client: [insert reasonable work-related comments here]

LV: “I wish he’d hurry up and finish so I can re-focus this conversation. He’s taken us way off course.”

And so it goes. Like static on a radio station, the little voice interferes with our ability to tune in.

Which begs the question: How to reduce the static to improve our listening so that we, in turn, will be listened to?

Unfortunately, that little voice will never go away – it comes with being human. But there are ways to minimize it. Here are my Top Three:

1. Prepare your mind. This suggestion comes directly from The Trusted Advisor (page 200, if you must know). Train your brain to notice random chatter, and substitute some wry wisdom of your own choosing. Examples:

“I am not the center of the universe.

“Knowing the truth is better than not knowing it.”

You can also make this part of your pre-flight checklist before your next big client meeting.

2. Get a little Zen. When the chatter arises, notice and observe it; raise your consciousness about it in the moment and gently but swiftly return your focus to the real conversation at-hand. This is similar to the practice that experienced meditators use of returning to the breath when “monkey mind” (a mind that jumps from thought to thought like a monkey jumps from tree to tree) takes over.

3. Think out loud. Get the chatter out of your head and into the conversation. This is especially valuable when your little voice is expressing a concern. Here are some examples:

LV: “He seems distracted.”

What you might say: “I’m hearing myself doing a lot of the talking here. What haven’t I asked about that’s important for me to know?”

This one requires some risk-taking. As does all trust.

You’re not crazy for having the little voice; you’re human. Do your clients – and yourself – a favor by training your brain to tune chatter out, client in. By listening, you earn the right to be listened to.

Andrea Howe has been in the consulting profession for nearly 20 years. A skilled speaker and facilitator, she has designed and delivered hundreds of off-sites, workshops, presentations and learning programs for people endeavoring to improve their business relationships. Read more…

Topics range from how to answer that million-dollar client question, “Why should we choose you?” to three keys to transforming client relationships gone bad. We’re delighted that one of our blog comments is featured in the primer (page 18).

Click here for access to the Primer: http://trustedadvisor.com/public/files/pdf/TrustMattersPrimer01.pdf

Click here for access to the Trust Matters blog: http://trustedadvisor.com/trustmatters/

In our last post, we acknowledged that, while it’s important not to stereotype or “box” others in, models that define typical style preferences can be helpful. We think the Social Style Model (www.tracomcorp.com) is easy to understand and immediately apply.

The combination of Assertiveness (the degree to which you ask or tell during interactions) and Responsiveness (the degree to which you tend to control or emote) reveal your Social Style as Analytical, Driving, Amiable, or Expressive. Click here for a description of each social style.

Taking that one step further, here are tendencies and tips for each Social Style category during times of stress:

For a detailed list of recommended approaches for each quadrant, check out Tracom Corp’s web site (www.tracomcorp.com). The key is to figure out your primary style first, and then your clients’. You can close the gaps from there.

Human beings have natural behavioral patterns. While it’s important not to stereotype or “box” others in, models that define typical style preferences can be help us understand how to relate to our clients – especially when they are different from us. We like the Social Style Model (www.tracomcorp.com) because it’s easy to understand and immediately apply.

The Social Style Model uses two dimensions of human behavior:

1. Assertiveness is the degree to which you ask or tell during interactions
2. Responsiveness is the degree to which you tend to control or emote.

In combination, these two dimensions reveal your Social Style:

The challenge arises when you and your client have different Social Styles but don’t realize it. For example, an Amiable consultant (like me) may misinterpret a Driving client’s focus on actions and results as a lack of caring for his staff, and may frustrate her by spending too much time on relationships. Similarly, a Driving consultant may mistake an Amiable client for someone who is not bottom-line oriented.

So how do you minimize the gap in styles and maximize your ability to get the job done? Check out our next blog post to find out.

If you’re an “Often” on 8 out of 11, congratulations! If you’re a “Sometimes” on five or more, create specific reminders or actions to take in the next week to get back in the best practices groove. If you’re a “Never” or “Rarely” on one or more items, let us know and we”ll offer up some tips to help: info@bossanovaconsulting.com.

We’ve used the components of the Trust Equation as our framework. So far, we’ve covered Credibility, Reliability, and Connectedness; now we turn to Service Orientation.

Service Orientation exists in the domain of motives. Service-oriented facilitators make it clear that they are relentlessly focused on their client’s wants and needs at all times. Service-oriented facilitators are also committed to making sure that any and all interactions are all about the group–not about the facilitator. (Note that this component is reflected as Self-Orientation in the denominator of the Trust Equation – the idea here is to minimize a focus on self as much as possible.)

Service Orientation is so important that we’ve identified 20 tips for establishing yourself as a Service-oriented Facilitator:

1. Find out how your client defines success and how you can help them achieve it

2. Deliver “early and ugly” in the design phase – collaborate and iterate

3. Let go of trying to appear clever, bright, witty; it’s not a show and it’s not all about you

4. Put the PowerPoint deck aside – use stories, easel charts, and creative handouts instead

5. Don’t name-drop

6. Be self-deprecating

7. Give voice to your fears

8. Take risks

9. Don’t jump to a solution; give the group ample time to define and grapple with a problem

10. Know your own traps/triggers and make it your job (not your clients’) to manage them

11. Don’t interrupt

12. Answer direct questions with direct answers

13. Practice active/reflective listening — constantly

14. Be really honest even (especially) when it makes you look bad

15. Give others credit for successes

16. Take responsibility for failed communications

17. Confront issues as they arise (e.g., when ground rules are broken) -being preoccupied with them keeps your attention on your own preoccupation

18. Be willing to turn leadership of the group over to the group at an appropriate time

19. Let someone in the group have the last word, even (especially) when you”re dying to add your piece

20. Take time to solicit “plus/delta” feedback; hear it all with grace and good humor

Clients who experience you as Service-oriented can be heard saying, “I trust that she cares about xyz.” As a result, they’ll trust your leadership of the group.

Credibility, Reliability, Connectedness, and Service-orientation: four secret ingredients to turning any client meeting of any size into an opportunity for a double-whammy: exceeding expected results while simultaneously building trust.

Email us to receive our one-page handout called “50+ Tips for Building your Trustworthiness as a Facilitator.”

We�ve covered Credibility and Reliability so far; now we turn to Connectivity, which aligns with Intimacy on the Trust Equation.

Intimacy exists in the domain of emotions and emotional connectedness. The Connected Facilitator visibly demonstrates both empathy and discretion, which makes it possible for the group to flourish in a comfortable and safe working environment.

Here are 10 tips for establishing yourself as a Connected Facilitator:

1. Be rigorous about maintaining confidentiality when you collect and report group data (e.g., surveys or interviews)

2. Create a meeting design that supports discussion and disclosure (e.g., pairs sharing first before a whole group discussion) – especially around sensitive topics

3. Create a physical meeting space that is welcoming and orderly

4. Share something (appropriately) personal with the group; lead by example

5. Pay special attention to member participation throughout the meeting; use techniques like one-word check-ins and round robin reporting so all voices are heard

6. Use easel charts, white boards, and other visible recording devices to capture group input and actions

7. Use participants� language when creating a group record – even if you think it’s incorrect (grammatically or otherwise)

8. Acknowledge uncomfortable situations (e.g., “Wow, I notice the room got really quiet all of a sudden.”)

9. Demonstrate empathy; repeat back/summarize not only the content of what group members are expressing, but the emotion behind it

10. Use “process checks” periodically; step away from the content of the meeting to get feedback on participants’ overall experience of it.

Clients who experience an emotional connection with you have a sense of security, comfort, and ease in your presence. As a result, they’ll trust your leadership of the group, which means they will be more likely to express themselves and share information with you and with each other.

Unfortunately, emotional connectedness, or intimacy, is necessary and not sufficient for building trust. Last up: The Service-Oriented Facilitator.